“Hmmm. I guess that’s true.” Jessica said. “But I’m sure that those marriages are still based on equality. Where the husband and the wife are equals, where the wife is free to make her own decisions and have them honored. My parents were like that. My Dad never told my Mom what to do. He valued her opinion and followed her advice. That’s what being a wife means to me … so, I can’t possibly be your wife.”
“Jessica …” Scott said through gritted teeth. The urge to dominate her was flooding over him.
“Jessica,” Josh interrupted as Scott choked on his words. “You need protection from yourself most of the time. It’s hard to be equal when left to your own devices, you’d break your fucking neck!” And he couldn’t help but wonder if it had been her mother’s same inherited stubborn streak that had led to the demise of her family. But he caught himself before he said so.
“Guys!” Jessica said raising her hands as if in surrender. “I never said I didn’t want to be your wife.” She looked quickly at Scott who seemed to be getting himself under control, Josh whose grasp on her forearm kept tightening, and then over her shoulder at Jim who looked like he was being washed down a river without so much as a life jacket to hold on to. “I just said that I couldn’t be a real wife until we were equals. Maybe marriage just isn’t the right institution for our situation … that’s all.”
“So, what in your humble, unequal opinion, would be the right institution for us?” Josh demanded.
“I don’t know.” She said with a smile and a shrug. She said it so cheerfully, lightly. “But it doesn’t matter. Maybe we’re making our own institution. We love each other, that’s all that matters, right?”
“Whoa, whoa!” Scott said.
“Can you repeat that?” Jim asked, stepping forward and taking her other arm, “That love part?” All the clouds seemed to have evaporated from his face and he had a huge smile plastered on his face.
“Jessica … don’t go using the L word unless you mean it.” Josh said.
“But, I do mean it.” Jessica said, suddenly realizing that she really did. She really loved them. That would be difficult to ignore when she avenged her parents … some time, somehow.
“You what?” Scott demanded. “Listen Jessica … you’d better not be playing around with us. You know part of the reason we can’t treat you as an equal is because you are always looking for some way to run away … or kill us. And stooping to using the L word … that’s just lower than low.”
“But I don’t want to run away … I definitely don’t want to kill you, and I do love you.” Jessica said.
“But,” Jim said, “you won’t marry us.”
“No. Not with the way things are with us.”
“You don’t want to runaway … “ Josh said. “Since when?”
“It hasn’t been long.” Jessica admitted. “A few weeks.”
“Ahuh. And what exactly changed your mind?” Scott asked.
Jessica shrugged. “You’ve been a lot nicer to me.” She began and took Scott’s hand. “I’ve been … enjoying myself a lot more …”
She looked at Josh and Jim. “And besides, my family is dead. Where would I be running to?”
“Sixty-five.” Scott said into the silence that had ensued.
“What?” Jessica asked.
“Sixty-five. That’s how many people I’ve killed.”
“Sixty-one.” Josh added, raising his hand.
“Do you still love us now? Still want to stay here with us?” Scott asked.
Jessica gulped. “But, you haven’t … you, don’t kill any more, right?”
“That’s right.” Scott said moving up to her until his body was pressing hers against the side of the horse … Josh and Jim still clutching her arms.
“We don’t kill any more but that’s just by luck. Riley and Angus get stuck going out there now … we get to stay with you. But if we were still killing, would you love us then?”
“I don’t know.” Jessica replied, sadness creeping into her voice. “Can’t they stop? Why do they have to do it?”
She was crying now.
“Shit …” Josh and Jim swore simultaneously under their breath. Scott stepped back, giving her room.
“They do it because that’s who we are … what we are. Just like your parents were who they were.” Jim said. “But it’s a hard life Jess. Maybe they could be persuaded to stop … some day.”
Jessica was crying harder, wiping her eyes with her hands.
Josh and Scott both looked at Jim, not believing that he was actually trying to set Jessica up to get Angus and Riley out of the clan lifestyle.
Jim motioned at Jessica with his hands and mouthed “stop the crying!” to Scott.
Scott exhaled. He’d been relieved to see Jessica cry at first. It made it seem like what she was saying about loving them could actually be true. But now he felt guilty. He hated it when she cried. It seemed like ages since she’d cried last. He didn’t miss it.
“Jess,” he said reaching out and pulling her into his embrace. “I’m sorry I made you cry.” Jessica wrapped her arms around Scott and held on tight, burying her head into his chest, as she continued to cry.
“You know … “ Jim began. “Maybe with the right motivation, Angus and Riley could be convinced to stop too.”
Josh reached out and cuffed him.
Scott threw him a dirty look.
“What? What?” Jim asked ducking another blow from Josh.
“You can’t put this on her!” Josh hissed.
“What?” Jessica asked, lifting her face from Scott’s now soaked shirt and struggling to stop her tears.
“Here,” Scott said pulling the hem of his shirt up for Jessica to wipe her eyes and nose.
“Don’t do it …” Josh warned Jim in a quiet voice.
“Angus and Riley. Maybe they’d stop killing if you loved them like you love us.”
“Oh no … “ Jessica said. “They hate me Jimmy, there’s no way they’d pass me the salt much less stop killing for me.”
“They don’t hate you …” Josh said surprised that she’d see it that way.
“Oh yes they do. Angus looks for any reason to hurt me, and Riley just wants to control me. They certainly would not do anything for me.”
“Are you nuts?” Scott asked. “Have you seen the way they look at you Jessica? They want you just as much as we do … they just don’t seem to know how to connect.”
“I don’t know what you think you’re seeing Scott.” Jessica said, “But trust me, it isn’t love.”
“I never said that they love you Jess. That’d come later … what I did say is that they want you. They just don’t know how to get you.”
Jessica snickered at this and shook her head.
“In Angus’ defense, he was hurt a while back by a woman. He’s still not over that yet.” Josh said.
“By Beth?” Jessica asked.
“Yeah,” Jim said. “How’d you know that?”
“Angus dreams about her all the time … he’s always yelling her name.”
“Well, that’s part of the problem … he’s still hurt by her.”
“Even so, I don’t believe for a minute that they care about me in any way. They never want to do anything with me other than hurt me … “
“Jess, you could so easily turn that around in the bedroom …” Scott began, but Jessica shook her head and shivered.
“Never, ever, ever.” She said before Scott could finish.
“Okay, okay,” Jim said when Jessica looked like she’d cry again. “Never mind that then. Just do me a favor Jess, and try your best to like them. Try to really observe them … see if they really do want to hurt you as much as you think they do. Riley has the dogs, Angus the car, try to help them with these things. They’re going to be back in a few days Jess and things will be … different. I really want them to be on the same page as us, but it won’t happen overnight.”
Jessica went from being sad to being terrified.
“I can’t Jimmy … I can’t do it. They’re too mean!”
“Jessica … Jessica …” Josh said pulling her back against him, and wrapping his arms around her, rubbing his hands up and down on her arms. “It’s okay. I don’t think Jimmy’s expecting you to do anything. Okay? Just be yourself, just relax. Everything will be okay.”
“What about the riding? And the chores? I won’t be able to do those things with you when they’re home …” Jessica asked.
“It’s true.” Scott said.
“But not for long.” Jim added. “Jessica … Riley’s always asked for your obedience in order to earn rights. Us three will tell him that you have earned it as far as we’re concerned … but you’ll have to earn it from him, and right away.”
“Jimmy … I haven’t been able to earn a thing from Riley since I’ve been here. How the heck am I supposed to do that now?”
“Because before you didn’t have us helping you. Listen to me … you can do this. Just be spontaneous. Pretend you’re with us … not them.”
“Spontaneous … that’s good.” Scott said with a nod. “It was your spontaneity that helped me believe you were being sincere.”
“And for Christ sake Jessica … be honest.” Jim continued. “No matter what they ask, tell the truth.”
“Jim are you sure …” Josh began but Jim cut him off.
“Yes, I’m sure. They can sense lies. They’ll never trust you if you lie about even a little thing. If they ask if you went riding … you tell them yes. Drinking wine, helping with chores, anything at all, tell them the truth without even hesitating.”
“Okay.” Jessica said in a quiet tone. She looked overwhelmed.
“Hey Jess … relax okay?” Josh said. “It’s days till they come home. And this isn’t all up to you. Scott, Jim and I have our responsibility too. Between the four of us, we’ll make it work. Why don’t we go in and play some tunes for a while, take our minds off things for a bit.”
Jessica was nodding. “But, what about the fence?”
“It’s okay Jess, Scott and I can take care of it later.” Jim said.
“But isn’t that how the wild dogs are getting on your land? To protect the animals we should really go fix it now. Can’t we play music tonight?”
“Sure we can.” Josh said, shaking his head. “I should have known you’d be stubborn about it.”
Jessica nodded, not sure if Josh was paying her a compliment on complaining.
And then no one moved.
The men just stood looking at Jessica.
She stood looking at them.
She felt like they wanted more from her … needed more from her, but they seemed unable to say so. Though physically none of them were touching her any more, Jessica felt the presence of their eyes on her. When she looked at Scott, his eyes locked on hers and she gasped from the sheer force of it. All the times he’d touched her, entered her and brought her pleasure were stored in his stare and his eyes penetrated her soul … searching, touching, feeling, stroking in the same way. She felt like she’d be lost in his stare for eternity, but then a force was pulling her from her right. Unbelievably she managed to pull her eyes away from Scott and look to Jim. And to her shock, she found the same thing. Jim who was so much more gentle than the others … who never put as much stock in sex as the others … his eyes bore into hers and she felt their physical presence inside of her. She had a hard time breathing … she felt physically prodded. And then she felt the pull from her left. In the brief moments before she turned her attention to Josh, she took in Jim’s body. It was hard, rigid. All the muscles coiled into one hard mass, leaning toward her. The short sleeved shirt he wore was plastered to his chest as though it had suddenly become too small and was about to rip. As she arced her eyes past Scott she registered the same for him. His muscles were bulging and she had the strange feeling that at any moment they would rip her to shreds. By the time her eyes landed on Josh, she was panting. She couldn’t catch her breath … and his eyes invaded her also. She endured his probing for what seemed like forever, but then couldn’t take it anymore. She felt exhausted, like her body had been running for hours and was being pushed passed its limits. Josh was also a mass of coiled muscles, seemingly ready to pounce on her.
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