“Maybe we’ll have to look at some magazines on manners …” she said between giggles.
Scott wiggled his eyebrows at her in an exaggerated sexual leer, now that he had a plan for her, he could easily play his reaction up as mock anger. “Lots of role play possibilities.” He agreed causing Jessica’s cheeks to flame a deep pink as she giggled harder.
Josh wished this whole encounter with their neighbors hadn’t happened but since it had he was willing to let Jim take the lead on the next steps. Jessica seemed to be past the fact that he’d struck Jim and that was all he really cared about. “Are we going to fix that damn fence or not?” Josh demanded eager to finish the work and head back to the house. He had some updates he wanted to make to his comic. Marriage and unexpectedly crossing paths with their neighbors had to be processed via his story. It was the only way he knew how.
************************************************************
“Amazing!” Josh stated as Jessica finished off a whole song on the drums.
They had finished the fence, had dinner, setup the instruments, and been playing for the past few hours.
“I don’t get it though.” Scott said, flipping through the song book Jim had told them to pick up. “These songs are new … practically brand new. How can you know them so well, even by ear?”
“That’s actually my fault.” Jim said, deciding that it was time to come clean. He felt bad about having kept his secret for this long already.
“That’s it!” Josh said, snapping his fingers and pointing at him. “You’ve been listening to the radio … when Jess is with you. Right?”
“Close.” Jim said. “I actually have a T.V. in my room. We’ve been watching music videos.”
“You’re pulling my fucking leg!” Scott replied. He looked from Jim to Jessica.
Jessica was shaking her head.
“A T.V.?” Josh asked. “A fucking T.V! How long have you been watching it?” He demanded glaring at Jessica.
“A long time …” she answered taken aback by how angry Josh seemed.
“About six months” Jim added. “I asked Jessica to keep it a secret for me.” Jim continued. “I’ve had this T.V. forever. Even before Jessica came here.”
“So why are you telling us now?” Josh asked, the smoldering anger and a sense of betrayal evident in his voice.
“Because, I don’t want to have secrets from you. Not even Angus and Riley, though that’ll take longer to be honest with them… look I’m sorry okay?” Jim added.
“That explains a lot.” Scott said, his eyes fixed on Jessica.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jim asked.
“That means …” Scott began, swinging his gaze over to Jim, anger clouding over his face, “now I understand why you were always her favorite one. The rest of us were busy making her pay for what her parents did to us, and you were busy making life comfy and fun for her with the god damn T.V!”
“It takes a hell of a lot more than a fucking T.V. to make up for what we did to her.” Jim exclaimed. “And I think you are reading way more into this than there really is!”
“Really?” Josh said. “So you think we were misreading Jessica when she would look at you like you were a saint and look at us like we were evil incarnate? You think we misread little things like the way she always moved closer to you when there was any chance of trouble, coming to you for shelter … protection? Sort of like she’s doing now?”
Jessica froze. She looked at Jim and he looked at her. It was true … she had subconsciously been moving closer to Jim. The look on Scott’s and Josh’s faces made her stomach twist. They were in pain. Emotional pain, and she had caused it. And she didn’t know how to make it better. What they said was true. Jim was her favorite … at least until recently. But for so many better reasons than the T.V.
“It …” Jessica began, not really sure how to say what she had to say without causing any more pain. “It has nothing to do with the T.V.” she managed.
“So, what does it have to do with then?” Josh asked.
Jessica paused. Honesty right? That was what Jim had said Angus and Riley would need. And she really wanted to be honest with Scott and Josh … but her instincts told her that it would cause more damage than good. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, Scott and Josh were still watching her … waiting.
“Jim has always tried to help me.” She began.
Scott and Josh scowled at Jim.
“Not in any way that would make you look bad …” she rushed the words. “He was just a lot more gentle. He always explained things … why things were the way they were … what you wanted from me. It just helped. That’s all.”
Josh zeroed in on the word ‘gentle’ and groaned. He was quite certain that Jim had not kicked off his nights with her with a good old fashioned rape. He sighed. They had him … right there they had him. No matter what Jim did or didn’t do … nothing could undo what Josh had done to Jessica. He relaxed his stance, lowered his eyes.
“Jessica, I guess I never really apologized for what I did to you.” He began. Jessica, Jim and Scott looked at Josh, surprised by his demeanor; he looked like he’d deflated. He sounded wrong … broken. Jim and Scott slid their eyes over to Jessica for some indication of what Josh was talking about but she looked as taken off guard as they were.
“Since we’re airing secrets …” Josh said looking up, at Jim and then Scott. It suddenly became important to Josh to tell them about his rape not only of Jessica but of Pam too. “I did something awful to Jessica. The first night that we were supposed to … to have sex with her … I couldn’t control myself. I raped her.” He lowered his eyes for only a moment … and then raised them again. The only one who looked distraught was Jessica. Josh’s tone and body language both indicated that he was a destroyed man and Jessica couldn’t understand what had happened to change him like that so suddenly. Neither Scott or Jim looked shocked by his revelation at all.
“That was kind of what we were supposed to do.” Jim said, softly. “That had been the plan … Riley’s orders.”
“Those might have been the orders …” Scott interrupted, “But we didn’t necessarily all follow them that way. Josh you may have raped Jessica, but I didn’t, and she looked at me the same way she looked at you. But not Jim. She never looked at you like that!” he said to Jim.
“She didn’t look at me like that because I didn’t follow orders.” Jim said.
“What?” Scott thundered.
“You heard me. I never had sex with Jessica. I couldn’t. She was more like a little sister to me than a sex object.”
“You’ve never had sex with her?” Scott asked in shock, looking back and forth between Jim and Jessica. Josh was looking at Jim like he truly was some kind of God.
Jim shook his head. “I have had sex with Jessica … but only recently. In the last few weeks.”
“What changed?” Scott couldn’t help but ask. “All these years you haven’t … done it with her … and then in the past few weeks …? What happened? Finally realize that all this time we were trying to get things going with Jessica your refusal to play along might have been slowing down our progress? Fuck Jim, all this time I thought it was Angus and Riley but maybe the problem all along was you!”
Jim shrugged unable to argue. He hadn’t looked at it like that before but he could see how Scott and Josh could think that was true.
“No!” Jessica said a note of hysteria in her voice as she looked between Scott and Josh, “I wanted him …” Jessica said. “He didn’t want to … I made him.”
“You made him fuck you?” Scott demanded jealousy overwhelming him. “That’s even worse. Tell me again how’s he’s not your favorite.”
“It’s not entirely true …” Jim broke in, “You didn’t make me Jessica … you just convinced me that I wouldn’t be hurting you by doing it.”
“Please don’t look like that …” Jessica said, glancing between Josh and Scott. Both alternating between looking incredibly angry and incredibly hurt. “It’s true that I didn’t want you in the beginning. None of you … including Jim … not that way. But now … now I do. Scott, you did that. You made it enjoyable for me. You were the first one I wanted to touch me, or to touch. You were the first one I wanted to have sex with. I’m sorry if you think I love Jim more than you … but it’s not true. It’s just that we’ve been friends longer … I’m more sure of what to expect from him.”
“So, how long have we been friends?” Scott asked. Certain that the answer would be never. Having heard that he’d been the first Jessica had wanted sexually had gone a long way in diminishing his anger, hurt and jealousy. Now he just wanted the whole package. He wanted to be Jessica’s lover and her friend. He no longer begrudged Jim this but he wanted it too. Wanted to be equal.
“Since the night that you showed me how to … to enjoy myself. You’ve been different since then. And maybe I’ve been different since then. I don’t know. But didn’t you feel a change too?”
“Holy shit …” Scott said, exhaling. He’d felt it too. “Okay Jessica. I understand now. I won’t lie and say that I don’t wish we could have been friends earlier … I think I was trying just as hard then. But if we’ve just started being friends, then that’s okay. As long as we are.”
“And when do we begin being friends?” Josh asked. He felt like shit because he knew he had no right to ask anything of her but he couldn’t help himself. He needed her.
“We already did.” Jessica said, surprised that he didn’t know.
Josh flashed his eyes up to hers …he didn’t look convinced.
“The first night you slept on the floor Josh. That meant a lot to me.”
Josh nodded. Jim and Scott, looked confused. “I was raping her at night, in my sleep.” He said feeling the urge to expose the horrible creature that he was. “I didn’t know it … but when Jessica told me … I began sleeping on the floor.”
Scott pushed air through his teeth …
“You’ve been through a lot Jess.” He said, “I guess I’m glad one of us was able to keep our paws off of you.” He continued, turning to Jim, he stuck his hand out. Jim smiled with relief and took it, they shook.
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